I am half an author because 50% of me is a righter and some bad news, the other half left.
I first started writing comedy shortly after I picked up a pen and soon realised I had a gift as it was covered in wrapping paper. I found I could also regularly do stand-up as that was how I finished defecating.
To be a good modern comedy writer requires a keyboard and an understanding of the Internet. Posting your keyboard to the publisher with a note saying “It’s all in there somewhere” is futile.
I found it difficult to write long one-line jokes until I found the carriage return feature on my pen and concentrating was difficult so I boiled it for longer.
The best advice I have never received was “having learned the hard way that the easy way goes a long way in paving the way in a big way to losing your way, you should in no way, whilst on the way, rub someone up the wrong way by going the roundabout way and not take the direct way, in short, be concise”.
I found humour in things that made me laugh and took a lot of Joy but her parents wanted her back. I tried to exercise restraint, which is a stupid name for a dog but found focusing at the opticians was a much better option.
Oscar Wilde once said “I never said that” and just before that, I have been inspired to make up quotes from famous people.
I find inspiration in many places, which is another stupid name for a dog and success soon followed, mostly because inspiration was in heat.
I have found the best way to get humorous is to crush chickpeas and that spell check doesn’t check context.
I live alone when my family is out of the house which means I can experience low decibel urination AKA enjoy the p*ss and quiet.
I get asked a lot of questions when out shopping and one that comes up often is “Who’s next please?”.
I try to help struggling writers but I find two hands on a biro takes forever.
As with all authors struggling to create material, I spend a lot of time picking cotton which only leads to a sew sew future.
I am a private person hoping to be a Corporal Person and use humour to disguise the fact I am not very funny.
I aspire a lot when exercising and am very goal orientated which means I turn to face soccer posts whenever possible.
I try, especially when playing rugby, to see the bigger picture and found 60 inches with surround sound to be a good choice.
Writing brings me a lot of things which again is a stupid name for a dog and I try to end all of my written humour with a full stop.